Every year in November, the topic of “Christmas wish lists” comes up around our house. This concept was not something that existed in our family when I was a kid and still feels vaguely foreign to me. Perhaps the idea of giving without expecting anything in return has sunk in too well…..

I can see how they could be useful, especially in the cases of people who have esoteric tastes which might be well beyond the ken of friends and relations. In cases such as weddings, for example, they make perfect sense. A list lets lots of people who know you only remotely (through your parents or grandparents, for example) purchase things that will suit your taste, needs and will also go well together on a dinner table with all of the other gifts from assorted guests. In a way, it makes sense and is a polite way of giving guidelines to those who are perplexed as to why you even invited them.

Creating such gifts for Christmas, though, gives me real problems. In November, I start thinking about what other people might like, who I want to give gifts to, who falls into the “obligatory” category (i.e. coworkers), how much money we can spend, who needs something extra special, what I’m prepared to make versus buy, and all the other lines of thought that go with gift decisions.

I don’t start thinking about what I want.  I really, really don’t. My head is full of, “that would be perfect for Bob,” “Wow! Tamar would love that!”, or “how on earth can I arrange to get that for John?” not “now, this year I want….” When someone asks me to sit down and make up a wish list, I actually cringe because it feels so much like asking for things. Hey, I love getting presents as much as the next person, but I like not knowing what they are in advance and I love the feeling that the person was able to guess what would be right for me. plus there’s the added bonus that what you get from someone who knows you well might be what you really wanted, not just what you thought you wanted.

The other problem with wish lists for varied and widespread familial usage is that they’re restricted, more or less, to what’s online. Amazon.ca or chapters.ca have great book listing sites, but for the first time this year, I’m not looking for any books. If I make up a list there, it would be more for the sake of making a list than indicating my literary preferences. (That said, I have worn out a complete set of the James Herriot books. Again.) Not to mention that after a couple of Christmases you end up with five or six different lists scattered hither and yon, all of which require updating. Putting that much work into a gift that someone else is going to give you seems to miss the point somehow.

But I digress.

Part of the thrill of Christmas for me is the time spent thinking of other people and planning ways to make them happy. I’ve taken to glancing at people’s lists as indicators of their current interests, but am less-than-keen on buying things that are only a mouse click away. It feels impersonal, somehow. I enjoy picking things out, seeing them in person and wrapping them.

Shopping malls are definitely insane at this time of year, but the boutiques downtown are actually festively cheerful and full of interesting things (things that rarely appear on wishlists, despite being  perfect match).

John and I have been bandying ideas around for various people, conspiring with their spouses, parents and friends and have come up with what we think is a pretty good match gift-wise this year.

Hopefully the recipients agree….

And no, I still don’t have an updated wishlist anywhere.