John told me to post this one. I’ll grant that it’s funny, but it’s no better than most of our conversations…..

Last night, while we were lying in bed reading, a border collie launched herself onto us and licked me in passing. This is a normal occurrance. What made it funny was that I yelped. Loudly. The reason for my yelping was that the bit of me that had been speed-licked was a nipple that had strayed out from under the covers and was wandering over in John’s general direction. I don’t think it expected to encounter a canine torpedo.

There was much snickering from the husband’s side of the bed. This is what transpired:

Me: “What’s so funny?”

Him: “You, yowling like that.”

Me: “It’s not funny. I didn’t yowl. I yelped.”

Him: “Well, you were loud.”

Long, long, heavy silence.

Me: “That pretty much rules out you getting laid tonight.”

Him: “Oh.”

We go back to reading for ten minutes or so.

Me: “Stop it.”

Him: “Come on….”

Me: “No, really.” pause…. “Why am I saying no, anyway? I know there was a reason….” (Obviously it was a good book, as I couldn’t remember the whole dog incident.)

Him: “The dog….. licking you…. me laughing….”

Me: “Oh right! Thanks. Still definitely not happening tonight.”

Him: (Realising what he’d just said) “I’m too supid to get laid anyway.”