The following phrases came out of my mouth this morning:

• “Moss! Off the table!”
• “Katherine, do not put a marker up the dog’s nose!” pause “In fact, avoid all canine orifices with any object.”
• “Wikket, move!” pause “Wikket, move!” pause “Wikket, move!” pause “Wikket, move!” pause “Wikket, move!” pause (repeat intermittently throughout the morning as Wikket hates the feedback on Katherine’s little tape recorder and therefore plants herself underfoot constantly.)
• “Ferg! Get in here!”
• “Katherine! Come back! You need pants!”
• “WHO left this huge pile of soaking wet towels here?! WHO?” (a small voice murmurs a response) “Okay, I understand wanting a facecloth. A BATHSHEET is NOT a facecloth! You know better than that”
• “Katherine! Moss is not a horse. Do not try to ride him.”
• “Katherine! Get off the counter!”
• “Moss! Get off the counter!”
• “Ferg! Get off the counter!”
• “Katherine! Do not jump from one living room chair to the other via the coffee table!”
• “Katherine! Wikket does NOT need a haircut!”
• “Katherine! Stop bouncing!”
• “Katherine! You may only have one source of electronic noise at a time. Turn off the television and tape recorder and stop banging that bloody drum!”
• “Moss! Get off the sewing machine pedal! You’re wasting metallic thread!”

At the time of writing, it is only10:19. Heaven knows what the rest of the day will bring.