Me: There are too many. I am not “Wild Freesia”.
John: You could be “Summer Citrus”.
Me: Nah. “Fruity Melon” is right out.
John: Here’s you! “Radiantly Fresh”.
Me: I’m “Radiantly Fresh”? Have you not smelled my gym bag? And that smells like fermented watermelon.
John: Okay, maybe you don’t want to radiate so much…. Fermented watermelon?
Me: This one works. “Daringly Fresh.” It sounds…. risqué. I can be risquée insofar as antiperspirant is concerned. Now you.
John: Now me what?
Me: Now you deodorant.
John: This one. Old Spice “Wolfthorne”.
Me: What’s “Wolfthorne”? (Sniffs proffered deodorant) Dude, that’s baby powder. You will go to the gym and smell like a baby’s arse.
John: It’s not baby powder. It’s “Wolfthorne”. It’s manly.
Me: You want manly, try this, “Old Spice Komodo”. Nothing says “manly” like a venomous lizard.
John: Ooo! Give!
Me: Or there’s “Old Spice Champion”. Pretty sure I’ve smelled that around the gym. Here.
John: (Looks at the deodorant suspiciously) Champion? That might be too much pressure.
Me: Right. Dragons it is.